Marriage Milestones--Are Long-Term Marriages Ending More Often?
"My grandparents stayed married because they loved each other and respected their marriage."
Or maybe not. New studies are revealing that today, long-term marriages are breaking up even faster than new relationships. Why?According to some experts, we should blame longer life-spans.
Now that we are more likely to live longer, less people want to waste their time being anything less than satisfied. Which means that back in the good old days, Grandma and Grandpa may have just stayed together because they didn't figure it was worth the trouble to break up.
I guess we all think to ourselves that today's divorce rates pertain to "short-lived marriages." You know, five years or less. I remember when I was younger, people would advise newlyweds: "If you can just make it to five years, you will probably be okay."
The problem is, that is exactly what people are doing! They are meeting that five year goal, then saying "if I did that, I can surely make ten!" Meeting goals is great when you are talking about becoming debt-free, earning a degree, or achieving some other milestone.
But when it comes to affairs of the heart, sticking together just to hit those special anniversaries can leave a marriage cold. And, according to the new divorce statistics, those marriages are coming to an end at around the 25 year mark.
The good news is that marriages don't just suddenly end overnight. And they don't end without some warning signs. There are also plenty of tips that both partners can employ to make sure their relationship doesn't fall victim to the 25 Year Itch.
Marriage Murderers
According to Huffington Post, the number one reason for divorce these days isUnreasonable Behavior. Here are some other potential relationship killers:
- Jealousy
- Infidelity
- Apathy
- Lack of Intimacy
- Lack of communication
- Abuse (of any type)
- Hostility
- Controlling behavior
- Disrespect
- Substance abuse
Signs That Life is Not Rosy
Whether a relationship is 1 year old, or 50 years old; it can't break up without some warning signs. Here are some of the most common symptoms of a marital illness.
- Discussions--even those about mundane issues (such as where to eat dinner, end in an argument. More often than just "occasionally".
- Resentment starts to appear frequently. "Well, isn't it nice that YOU got a three day vacation when I only got two? I guess you spent your extra day doing something fun."
- One or both partners would rather spend time apart than together. That doesn't mean they should spend 100% of their time together, but they shouldn't resent having to spend 20 minutes together either.
- Compromise becomes about shutting one partner up rather than reaching something agreeable for both. Or it doesn't exist at all.
- Blame is used more often than communication. Effective communication sometimes has to be proactive. For example, saying "We only have $300 budgeted this week for groceries." is communication. Blame is when one partner doesn't disclose this information, then accused the other or recklessly overspending.
If caught fast enough, these issues can be addressed in a reasonable tone of voice. The yucky parts of the relationship can be cut out, and the marriage can go on to thrive. If they aren't caught soon enough, they can fester, and the whole relationship can turn toxic.
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